Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Raven's Resurrection Post: "Myopia"

My thoughts have been revolving around myopia, i.e. gu9r nather i.e. near-sightedness, in layman terms not seeing what is available around you because your paradigm is fixated on a very negative outlook on the world.

Now this can apply to anything and everything quite literally, be it religion, job opportunities, charity/community work, and even family/spousal relationships.

In many philosophies, the mere act of being "open" and "effectively listening" to something opens doors to things you could never think possible had you confined yourself to the mentality of life as usual, or even worse negativity, thus shunning all and every possible exits to the status quo.

On a personal note, this has happened to me a lot in the work context. I have a tendency to shoot myself in the foot and play victim when i'm disgruntled with something. Especially if I feel like I don't have control over the situation.

The important take-away is that who EVER has control of a situation? Having complete control is quite rare, and in any case you don't really step out of your comfort zone as you are probably just following routine, and it's not a special situation. I have the tendency to be very moody with bosses and professors. If the individual doesn't do enough to command my respect, I find my time in that context useless. Now this isn't a stance of arrogance, rather it is one in which I am not happy with how the person manages the team, or deals in the classroom. This would also be the case in which attempts have been made from myself and others to try to remedy the matter with no success and the dreaded cycle keeps turning.

I recall an economics course in college in which I got the lowest grade in college, a C-. Now I am definitely to blame, since such a low grade is largely attributed to my resentment of the professor, who by and large did not lack qualification. He was an advisor to Clinton and was overqualified with 2-3 ivy leagues sprinkled into his life work.

What really pissed me off was the fact that he was teaching introductory macroeconomics using 2nd/3rd degree calculus to an audience that didn't have a math background, and/or NEVER took any calculus. Now I had done calculus, but applying to economics is slightly different from the applications we were used to, so it was a stretch even for a "math-inclined" guy like me.

NOt to bore you further with this story, but my "Myopic" outlook on the situation was that this guy was useless, thus deserved no time to his course, so I just allocated time to the rest of my workload. It hit me in the end, and that semester was probably my worst.

Other examples include working for incompetent bosses who gain their positions by "being around" and are fortunate enough to be somewhat qualified when the next old-timer retires. I'm afriad of the escalation in this trend as we hit the mega-retirement boom by 2013. I don't even know what to expect.. but many people are getting ready for some promotions.. whether or not they actually deserve them.

In the end, I realized that my outlook on both situations, though still strongly ingrained in my belief system, could have been a bit more optimistic and positive like my usual nature had I tried to shift my paradigm (as per my 7 habits training) to a more positive outlook and being proactive and making the most of the situation while dealing with other priorities..

My last example is of friends I have that told me how this myopia occurred in their love lives. It kind of relates to maturity and/or choosing your future husband/wife, in my case it would be with male friends, thus in the selection of a wife.

Now stereotypically everyone likes attractive people, the media and society do a good job of planting it in our heads, and reactions to coming into contact with "beautiful" people are contagious even though some might not think that X person was "attractive" to start with, but wanting to conform to the group norm, he shrugs and says "yeah she's pretty hot".

Dragging this into the marriage context, optimally every guy wants to marry a model-like trophy wife princess that also cooks, is educated and meets his values and is great with kids etc.

Sadly all of these together rarely exist, rather it is a stereotype that more attractive girls are higher maintenance as they have been pampered their entire lives which at some point hits their value system in many cases and takes them away from decency to a toy for the public eye, or to anyone that can afford to keep pleasing them. This would be the "princess" category, category 1.

Now, as young crazy men mature, and they might actually care more about their future, a more mature and stable woman tends to make more sense. Especially when the intention is to raise a family, or have someone help you live thru a decent budget and build a future with, not drain your bank account or your dad's for that matter (to the less affluent ones) to keep her smothered in Vuitton, Gucci, and Manolo Blahniks. So this more mature and stable woman, would probably be a bit more conservative, possibly less attractive than category 1 but not necessarily, and probably less superficial, thus providing peace of mind and a better fit to many. This would qualify as category 2.

During the college years, when relationships and commitment were more in the short-term and few young men are looking at settling down just yet, as investing for the long-term be it in people or money is a foreign concept to those that want to "live the moment." Thus young Tim/Mohammad would focus all his energy on "Category 1" and trying to score big time for social pressures as well and to prove to his brethren that he is a "player," "good with girls," and a "smooth-talker."

This same Tim/Mohammad may have 20 "Category 2" girls in his bubble, but he wouldn't notice them, as they aren't as superficial and or self-consumed as "Category 1", thus Tim/Mohammad would be MYOPIC and only look at the short term and near-sighted span of vision.

Now as this young fellow approaches his junior year and looks at the real world and ascending the corporate ladder and the future, probably having gone through 1-5 "Category 1" relationships since they typically don't last long as they haven't been established on any real values, just a random interaction and/or "hook-up", "fling", or quick arranged marriage that hasn't been given time to be tested thru a long engagement/milkah period that allows for a real-life simulation of the relationship before committing long-term (sometimes due to a family's rush to have their poor son hitched ASAP to save him from the evils of the world by marrying him to the first cousin they can think of, whether or not they are compatible and not taking into mind that mixing family and marriage, is like mixing family and business, can go really well, or ruin relationships for life!)

Back to our young disciple Timmy/Mohammad, during his interaction with "C1" he also had several "C2" counterparts in different contexts that offered him advice on his C1 relationships. Often with the C2 being very fond of Tim/Mo but not fitting his outlook b/c he's only nearsighted and not looking at the true quality of woman he is encountering. In many cases it takes a failure or two with C1s to realize that what he is really looking for is a C2 (a mother/wife type and not a trophy bimbo type), and that this person was right under his bloody nose!

This realization might take a long time to happen, but once it occurs, then a true relationship can be built, assuming of course that the C2 woman will live up to her reputation of being a more motherly and stable candidate. This description isn't meant to undermine C2's as many are just as attractive if not more attractive and fashion-sensitive as C1s, the difference is she wouldn't flaunt it, she would be a tad more conservative and expose natural beauty thru her reservation and femininity thru her aversion to men. Not a push-up and g-string kind of person, rather a person you would be comfortable with mothering your children, and holding down the fort when you're out providing for them.

Back to Myopia. To put it simple, BEWARE. Only when you exit full circle do you realize how Myopic or even blind you were. So be very aware of your surroundings, especially the C2s in the midst as many of them could be a potential soul mate. And in the work and college context, don't miss out on experiences that will change your life because you're too caught up on what professor X gave you on a test or Boss Y's stupid assignment that won't add value to the organization, but you have to do anyway..

Because in the end it's your outlook, perspective, and paradigm that will shape your future situation, not X, Y, or Z for that matter.

@ 1:56 AM, Saturday, June 27th, 2009

* In relationships I also mean marriages that don't last long since they are built on shallow values and not the pure intention to build the future. I am not condoning extra-marital affairs, i'm taking the concept back to the original interaction between any male and female regardless of gender, background, religion and race.

** I'm actually Myopic in eyesight terms and have been using contact lenses for a long time, thus whether I like it or not, a certain vision paradigm is forced upon me. I have learned to resist it, but every now and then things get foggy :)


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