UPDATEZ + POLYGAMY: INSIDE OUT!
Bismillah Arrahman AlRaheem: In the Name of Allah The Most Beneficient The Most Merciful
___________________________________________________________________
Freedom is really sweet, it feels different waking up and knowing you don't have to rush around and do work.
There is lots of stuff to catch up on and organize. I will probably be cancelling the London Program (I got a better offer).
Boston weather is still annoying me, after great days of sun, sudden random rainy and windy days screw everything up and it really gets depressing. I think my immunity has improved because I'm used to so much weather change at short periods of time.
This is a piece of writing I composed for a creative writing class in which we had to write an autobiography as a member of the other gender. It is a highly controversial piece so I welcome all feedback and I'm ready to hold a serious discussion about the topics covered..
Enjoy!! :)
________________________________________________________________
POLYGAMY: Inside OUT!
I was overcome with joy. The moment I’d been dreaming about my whole life was finally becoming a reality. Who wouldn’t be happy? A tall, well-built, Harvard graduate had asked my father for my hand in marriage only the week before. Ahmed was a successful businessman with several flourishing franchises in my country, Saudi Arabia, and when my friends found out he wanted to get engaged they were jealous. “Ahmed Al-Khaled wants to marry you! I hope I get that lucky someday,” my best friend Lulu, the cardiologist, told me. I really felt special.
After the engagement party, I got to know him better. He had a small scar above his right eye which he got from falling off his horse during a polo match. He had a great sense of humor, always making waiters and doormen laugh wherever we went out in Riyadh. He was the kind of guy who always had a smile on his face. Even if he had just lost a contract or a business opportunity, he told me his faith in God was never shaken. His resilience after failure pushed him to work even harder, molding him into a distinguished entrepreneur. He didn’t disclose much about his family life, but I didn’t mind.
I couldn’t wait for the wedding; my sisters, parents, and my close friends and relatives all had different ideas for a wedding theme, from a sub-Saharan jungle to a Venetian gondola. They were more excited than I was about making everything perfect. There was nothing in the world that could affect the blissful state I was in. At least that’s what I thought.
The next weekend, we were having dinner in Spazio, one of Riyadh’s finest Italian restaurants, located at the very top of Saudi Arabia’s Kingdom Skyscraper. Ahmed had mentioned on the phone that morning that there was something serious he wanted to tell me. Knowing Ahmed, I wasn’t the least bit concerned. I mean, what could this perfect guy have on his mind?
As I looked out the window at the broad streets of Riyadh, bustling with cars, the waiter arrived with the chocolate soufflé we were going to share for dessert. That’s when Ahmed started talking, and I really wish he hadn’t. He told me that I would be his fourth wife! I almost choked on a forkful of soufflé. FOURTH WIFE! What was he thinking? Who did he think I was? One of those laid-back, gullible Saudi women that didn’t mind sharing a husband? Me, an MIT graduate, become someone’s fourth wife? He must be insane thinking I’d go ahead with this marriage.
We didn’t talk much as Ahmed drove me home. He couldn’t stand to see me angry, especially if he had something to do with it, and so he stayed quiet to let me think the matter over. He let me know that I could give him my decision whenever I felt comfortable. When I got home, I ran to my parents’ bedroom in tears. My mom came and asked me what the matter was. I told her the whole story and she sat down and tried to comfort me. My sisters were as devastated by what Ahmed told me as I was.
My father called me on the intercom and asked me to come to his study. As I walked in, my father, a well-known economist, was typing the final chapter of the new book he was writing about the Saudi economy. He asked me what the matter was, and I told him the whole story. He kept his eyes focused on me the entire time while I told him what had just happened. When I finished talking, he was quiet for a few minutes, collecting his thoughts before giving me his opinion.
“Mona,” he said, “Ahmed isn’t the typical Saudi guy. He is a well-respected, successful and religious man from a great family, and you should be honored that he came to ask for your hand. None of the other men who asked for your hand were even close to his caliber, and most of them were rich snobs that you couldn’t stand.”
“But Dad,” I said, “How can he expect me to be his fourth wife?”
“Mona, you can’t deny him his right as a Muslim man to have four wives. You also know that to go through with this marriage, Ahmed would have to be just with all four of you. You would all possess the same quality house and gifts, your kids would receive the same treatment, and remember that he would sleep in your house an equal number of nights as the rest of the women. Knowing Ahmed, I don’t have any doubt that he’d be just.”
After two weeks that seemed like hell on earth, discussing the issue with my best friend Lulu and my sisters and weighing my priorities, I finally made my decision. I decided to go ahead with it. If I was mistreated, or wasn’t given my rights, I could always file for divorce. I tried to tell myself that it might not be as bad as it seemed. I was getting married to Ahmed Al-Khaled, not the son of the neighborhood baker.
Ahmed was overjoyed when he heard the news, and he promised me that I wouldn’t regret my decision. The following weeks were all dedicated to the wedding, which turned out to be the best day of my life. Everyone loved it, and my Chanel wedding gown was the talk of my mom’s friends for weeks. Then there was the honeymoon, two weeks at a lavish resort in the Maldives. We had a private beach—where I could roam around unveiled and take in the tropical sun. It was spectacular—fresh seafood every day, long walks on the beach, and falling asleep in each other’s arms as the sun rose. Once he picked me up and carried me to the beach, where we built sand castles until sunset. This took me back to when I was a five-year-old girl building sand castles outside of our beach house in Jeddah. At night, Ahmed and I would lie on our bed by candlelight and talk about our future life. He really was a great person, and I felt fortunate to be in his presence. But, although I was more than happy, I still had reservations about the reality that was going to be my post-wedding life.
After the honeymoon, I settled into the Spanish villa Ahmed had prepared for me. I had two maids, a cook, a chauffeur and a beautiful garden. I felt really lucky. Whenever I saw him I tried to restrict the discussion to me, my family, my friends or the local news, not wanting to hear anything about his other wives.
But one day Ahmed said he wanted me to meet his other wives for dinner at Layla’s, his first wife’s home. He insisted and promised to make it up to me and because I really wanted to please him, I reluctantly agreed, and got ready for that night. I spent about five hours thinking of the perfect outfit, what shoes to wear, and how to style my hair. I had to make Ahmed proud of me that night by impressing his other wives. When the chauffeur dropped me off at Layla’s house, I noticed it was almost a replica of mine. Her garden however, was nicer and better maintained, and I admired her taste in tulips.
Layla greeted me warmly at the door and led me to the guest room. She was a beautiful woman with long silky black hair and big hazel eyes. When I got to the guest room, I saw two gorgeous women engaged in a deep discussion and laughing animatedly. I also saw Ahmed busy talking on his cellphone on the other side of the guest room. Layla introduced me to Fatma and Samar, Ahmed’s second and third wives, and we started chitchatting. I was somewhat reserved and even hostile at the beginning, but after a few hours I started to like them. These women were charming, well-educated and elegantly dressed. They reminded me of some of my closest friends.
We moved to the dinner table, which was brilliantly covered with lots of exotic dishes from seafood paella to tandoori chicken, my favorite Indian dish. We had a very hearty meal, and I realized I really liked these women. We had a lot in common, and poor Ahmed was often left out of the loop while we engaged in girl talk. I smiled at him whenever we made eye contact, and he returned the smile with a wide grin.
After dessert, I returned home and immediately called my dad, told him that I loved him, and that I had really enjoyed meeting Ahmed’s wives. He laughed his deep husky laugh and told me to count my blessings, and he reminded me that things are never as bad as they initially seem.
When I had my first son, Ali, Ahmed’s other wives, Lulu, and my mom and sisters were all at the hospital. Though they weren’t perfect and each one had her little flaws, Layla, Fatma, Samar and I had built a strong bond and had become close friends. Our kids would play together and got used to calling all four of us “mama.” I realized that the four years I’d spent at MIT hadn’t changed my love for my Islamic and Saudi heritage; I had even come to accept the once-dreaded concept of polygamy. I realized that I had grown as a person, and that the young lady I once was had matured into a caring mother who was part of a greater family in the fabric of Saudi society.
___________
Awaiting your comments!
Yamen !
-YSH ;)
___________________________________________________________________
Freedom is really sweet, it feels different waking up and knowing you don't have to rush around and do work.
There is lots of stuff to catch up on and organize. I will probably be cancelling the London Program (I got a better offer).
Boston weather is still annoying me, after great days of sun, sudden random rainy and windy days screw everything up and it really gets depressing. I think my immunity has improved because I'm used to so much weather change at short periods of time.
This is a piece of writing I composed for a creative writing class in which we had to write an autobiography as a member of the other gender. It is a highly controversial piece so I welcome all feedback and I'm ready to hold a serious discussion about the topics covered..
Enjoy!! :)
________________________________________________________________
POLYGAMY: Inside OUT!
I was overcome with joy. The moment I’d been dreaming about my whole life was finally becoming a reality. Who wouldn’t be happy? A tall, well-built, Harvard graduate had asked my father for my hand in marriage only the week before. Ahmed was a successful businessman with several flourishing franchises in my country, Saudi Arabia, and when my friends found out he wanted to get engaged they were jealous. “Ahmed Al-Khaled wants to marry you! I hope I get that lucky someday,” my best friend Lulu, the cardiologist, told me. I really felt special.
After the engagement party, I got to know him better. He had a small scar above his right eye which he got from falling off his horse during a polo match. He had a great sense of humor, always making waiters and doormen laugh wherever we went out in Riyadh. He was the kind of guy who always had a smile on his face. Even if he had just lost a contract or a business opportunity, he told me his faith in God was never shaken. His resilience after failure pushed him to work even harder, molding him into a distinguished entrepreneur. He didn’t disclose much about his family life, but I didn’t mind.
I couldn’t wait for the wedding; my sisters, parents, and my close friends and relatives all had different ideas for a wedding theme, from a sub-Saharan jungle to a Venetian gondola. They were more excited than I was about making everything perfect. There was nothing in the world that could affect the blissful state I was in. At least that’s what I thought.
The next weekend, we were having dinner in Spazio, one of Riyadh’s finest Italian restaurants, located at the very top of Saudi Arabia’s Kingdom Skyscraper. Ahmed had mentioned on the phone that morning that there was something serious he wanted to tell me. Knowing Ahmed, I wasn’t the least bit concerned. I mean, what could this perfect guy have on his mind?
As I looked out the window at the broad streets of Riyadh, bustling with cars, the waiter arrived with the chocolate soufflé we were going to share for dessert. That’s when Ahmed started talking, and I really wish he hadn’t. He told me that I would be his fourth wife! I almost choked on a forkful of soufflé. FOURTH WIFE! What was he thinking? Who did he think I was? One of those laid-back, gullible Saudi women that didn’t mind sharing a husband? Me, an MIT graduate, become someone’s fourth wife? He must be insane thinking I’d go ahead with this marriage.
We didn’t talk much as Ahmed drove me home. He couldn’t stand to see me angry, especially if he had something to do with it, and so he stayed quiet to let me think the matter over. He let me know that I could give him my decision whenever I felt comfortable. When I got home, I ran to my parents’ bedroom in tears. My mom came and asked me what the matter was. I told her the whole story and she sat down and tried to comfort me. My sisters were as devastated by what Ahmed told me as I was.
My father called me on the intercom and asked me to come to his study. As I walked in, my father, a well-known economist, was typing the final chapter of the new book he was writing about the Saudi economy. He asked me what the matter was, and I told him the whole story. He kept his eyes focused on me the entire time while I told him what had just happened. When I finished talking, he was quiet for a few minutes, collecting his thoughts before giving me his opinion.
“Mona,” he said, “Ahmed isn’t the typical Saudi guy. He is a well-respected, successful and religious man from a great family, and you should be honored that he came to ask for your hand. None of the other men who asked for your hand were even close to his caliber, and most of them were rich snobs that you couldn’t stand.”
“But Dad,” I said, “How can he expect me to be his fourth wife?”
“Mona, you can’t deny him his right as a Muslim man to have four wives. You also know that to go through with this marriage, Ahmed would have to be just with all four of you. You would all possess the same quality house and gifts, your kids would receive the same treatment, and remember that he would sleep in your house an equal number of nights as the rest of the women. Knowing Ahmed, I don’t have any doubt that he’d be just.”
After two weeks that seemed like hell on earth, discussing the issue with my best friend Lulu and my sisters and weighing my priorities, I finally made my decision. I decided to go ahead with it. If I was mistreated, or wasn’t given my rights, I could always file for divorce. I tried to tell myself that it might not be as bad as it seemed. I was getting married to Ahmed Al-Khaled, not the son of the neighborhood baker.
Ahmed was overjoyed when he heard the news, and he promised me that I wouldn’t regret my decision. The following weeks were all dedicated to the wedding, which turned out to be the best day of my life. Everyone loved it, and my Chanel wedding gown was the talk of my mom’s friends for weeks. Then there was the honeymoon, two weeks at a lavish resort in the Maldives. We had a private beach—where I could roam around unveiled and take in the tropical sun. It was spectacular—fresh seafood every day, long walks on the beach, and falling asleep in each other’s arms as the sun rose. Once he picked me up and carried me to the beach, where we built sand castles until sunset. This took me back to when I was a five-year-old girl building sand castles outside of our beach house in Jeddah. At night, Ahmed and I would lie on our bed by candlelight and talk about our future life. He really was a great person, and I felt fortunate to be in his presence. But, although I was more than happy, I still had reservations about the reality that was going to be my post-wedding life.
After the honeymoon, I settled into the Spanish villa Ahmed had prepared for me. I had two maids, a cook, a chauffeur and a beautiful garden. I felt really lucky. Whenever I saw him I tried to restrict the discussion to me, my family, my friends or the local news, not wanting to hear anything about his other wives.
But one day Ahmed said he wanted me to meet his other wives for dinner at Layla’s, his first wife’s home. He insisted and promised to make it up to me and because I really wanted to please him, I reluctantly agreed, and got ready for that night. I spent about five hours thinking of the perfect outfit, what shoes to wear, and how to style my hair. I had to make Ahmed proud of me that night by impressing his other wives. When the chauffeur dropped me off at Layla’s house, I noticed it was almost a replica of mine. Her garden however, was nicer and better maintained, and I admired her taste in tulips.
Layla greeted me warmly at the door and led me to the guest room. She was a beautiful woman with long silky black hair and big hazel eyes. When I got to the guest room, I saw two gorgeous women engaged in a deep discussion and laughing animatedly. I also saw Ahmed busy talking on his cellphone on the other side of the guest room. Layla introduced me to Fatma and Samar, Ahmed’s second and third wives, and we started chitchatting. I was somewhat reserved and even hostile at the beginning, but after a few hours I started to like them. These women were charming, well-educated and elegantly dressed. They reminded me of some of my closest friends.
We moved to the dinner table, which was brilliantly covered with lots of exotic dishes from seafood paella to tandoori chicken, my favorite Indian dish. We had a very hearty meal, and I realized I really liked these women. We had a lot in common, and poor Ahmed was often left out of the loop while we engaged in girl talk. I smiled at him whenever we made eye contact, and he returned the smile with a wide grin.
After dessert, I returned home and immediately called my dad, told him that I loved him, and that I had really enjoyed meeting Ahmed’s wives. He laughed his deep husky laugh and told me to count my blessings, and he reminded me that things are never as bad as they initially seem.
When I had my first son, Ali, Ahmed’s other wives, Lulu, and my mom and sisters were all at the hospital. Though they weren’t perfect and each one had her little flaws, Layla, Fatma, Samar and I had built a strong bond and had become close friends. Our kids would play together and got used to calling all four of us “mama.” I realized that the four years I’d spent at MIT hadn’t changed my love for my Islamic and Saudi heritage; I had even come to accept the once-dreaded concept of polygamy. I realized that I had grown as a person, and that the young lady I once was had matured into a caring mother who was part of a greater family in the fabric of Saudi society.
___________
Awaiting your comments!
Yamen !
-YSH ;)
posted by Raven at 12:48 PM
19 Comments:
Interesting story. It over simplifies the whole issue though. More like a fairy tale than an expected outcome of the situation. Well-written though.
Enjoy your summer. I'll let you know if I can come to London.
smile...
Great writing style! You successfully touched on several elements that are true to how a woman would feel and think. You definately picked a *very* interesting subject =)
However, on some level, it still seems like a story about some guy's dream come true rather than a girl's dream come true :P
Come ON! all four wives get along beautifully?? That is almost impossible! Even the prophet's (PBUH) wives had their occasional conflicts. What usually happens is that two or three tend to become friends while excluding the others. It's just female nature...
Good try though, keep it up =)
Well Sunshine,
I truly appreciate your comments, thanks for reading it through.. I recently got some feedback that it was a piece of crap ! LOOL
I tried my best to be a woman, but I'm still a man, and you're right this is a dream i had/have so you never know..
As for getting along beautifully, that's where the page limit came in, I wanted to branch into little substories and make conflicts but i couldn't, what i'm thinking is I make this a series of several chapters, or even better a movie! (i'm interning at hollywood this summer so it's possible).
Let me know your thoughts on the matter..
Regards,
Y
Movie? I would suggest you contact Haifa Al-mansour, not Hollywood! You would also definitely have to develop the plot further.
Then again, you never know, there might be an opportunity to capitalize on the public's curiousity in everything Saudi now =)
The negative feedback was probably regarding the development of the plot, not your writing because your style is descriptive and smooth. Your creative effort is also noted. So, as I said, keep it up - you're on to something =)
Well Miss White Witch...
First,
My intention wasn't to portray a Saudi woman as much as I had to write in the voice of a member of the other gender in an autobiography format on a social issue in Saudi Arabia.
Second,
What does dignity have to do with anything? And where did you notice that I made the character not have dignity? I'm curious
Third,
Dignity is the most important thing about Saudi women in your opinion. To me it is religion and following what Allah says must be done.
Fourth,
Ahmed didn't lie to her, if you READ the story, you would notice that Ahmed didn't mention it when they first met, he mentioned it after they got to know each other better after the engagement party and during the engagement period
* In this case I'm assuming engagement and Milkah happened together because they're going out together, this was a choice I made b/c my first audience was an American classroom, not Saudis.
Fifth,
As for the right to know, I have yet to hear a 7adith or Ayah about that, so please present me with one because I am very curious about it. I have gone through more than 12 years of religious studies, especially Fiqh and I haven't found anything that says the wife needs to know.
Sixth,
I am a Saudi male, of course it will be a man's concoction. Your '7ajj Metwalli' reference is not relevant because you forget that in that series the wives fought, which doesn't happen in my case. Also, read on the Prophet's (Peace and Blessings be Upon Him) biography and how his women dealt (although they did quarrel, they were fine with eachother, and who wouldn't be jealous for sharing the Prophet of Allah!)
Seventh,
As I responded to Sunshine, I had a page limit, it would be more interesting to expand on it, but I need a movie, or just more time to sit down and flesh out each character, her background, characteristics etc.
I don't mind doing it if I get enough encouragement from you guys..
Eighth,
As for Saudi women not desperate about marriage, I don't know where you live or you grew up. But a lot of Saudi women that complete their university degrees look at marriage as their next step. And looking at the divorce rate and the social fabric of the Saudi society parents ALWAYS pressure daughters to get married, so they are psychologically inclined to do it just for the sake of society even if they aren't desperate. Which is a claim I never made.
And I never generalized, especially since I stated that this was a work of Saudi Fiction that I composed for a writing class.
So before you judge, read and read again, and then think of the writer and his background, and his audience.. And then give your opinion, otherwise it really doesn't carry much value when you react quickly and just say what's on ur mind without thinking.
And I will always keep writing, because I enjoy it, Alhamdulillah. :)
Regards,
Y
White witch,
Alhamdulillah, I have done my homework. And I wasn't offended, but I am used to having proper discussions where every point or claim you make is supported with evidence. Otherwise it's thrown back in your face.
I appreciate your comments, but I responded to your comments with my comments clarifying my stance on the matters you put forward which I felt weren't properly addressed.
I enjoy debate, but only when the other party is actually trying to take part in the debate, not make rash claims and walk away..
Y
I am not very good at accepting ideas that are foreign to me and ideas that seem to go against the very notions I have been raised with my whole life. I am not Muslim and I was raised in a non-polygamy-accepting country.
That said, I tried very hard to understand your point of view and your reasons for writing this piece. I understand that you want to discuss how polygamy is not as bad as many people presume it to be, and that it can be just as positive (if not more so) as a "regular" monogamous marriage.
This point you made well.
However, I still have trouble understanding the reasoning behind several main ideas. One, something you wrote really got to me--you could say it even angered me. "You can’t deny him his right as a Muslim man to have four wives." This is probably more of a religious argument/question than a critique on your piece. I know that polygamy for men is allowed in Islam, but why? It seems chauvanistic (sp?) to give men the right to pursue their greatest pleasure but then preach acceptance and satisfaction to Muslim women.
Someone explained to me once that having more than one wife was often because the first wife could not provide the man with sufficient children or with some vital characteristic he wanted. Your article describes four intelligent, beautiful, young women and it leaves me feeling like Ahmed is actually quite selfish for needing and being able to have so many woman under his control. Why isn't he satisfied? What exactly are Ahmed's intentions for having so many wives? His need for a fourth wife makes me wonder if he has a good reason for it or if he has just started a sort of wife-collection for others to look at and be envious of. If I were Mona, I wouldn't have accepted specifically because of this. He simply doesn't need ANOTHER wife! Why is Ahmed allowed to be dissatisfied with his 3 other wives, but Mona must accept this situation and be satisfied with sharing him (an idea her father--another man--encourages? It just seems unfair to me, because all the men in your story promote this idea of Mona just settling for what she has been offered rather than coming up with her own standards. (But yes I do realize in Islam the man approaches the woman with the proposal, not the other way around. But she could still hold out for another.)
I know for a fact that Islam is proud of being a religion known in general for giving women more equality. I believe someone told me that Mohammed regarded his wives with extreme respect--something which took (and is still taking) Christianity a lot of time to get to. You don't need to read the Da Vinci Code to notice this fact. But even so, Islam does not seem gender equal. If Ahmed "gets to have" 3 other wives, why can't Mona "get to have" 3 other husbands? It should work both ways. And one can't argue about the "not-knowing-who's-baby-it-is" anymore---we have genetic testing for that, if it truly were an issue...
Why did you choose in your piece to have Mona accept this offer with little debate other than "if [she] wasn't mistreated, [she] could always file for divorce" ? You mention that she debates her priorities, but please explain what priorities you feel she had. Even if religion is her number one priority as you commented above, she can still be a good Muslim and find perhaps more satisfaction in pursuing a husband who doesn't share her with other women. It seems as if you point out that her priorities are with having a good house and being with a man of good stature, since he is not the "son of a neighborhood baker". What is wrong with the son of a neighborhood baker? You seem to stress that this decision is more about power and money than her devotion to God's will. In fact there isn't really much mention of God's will in this piece at all, which makes me not understand your response to White Witch's comment about respect not being present in the piece.
Furthermore, the way you describe her decision making process seems to undermine the notion of love, emotional bonding, and committment. Mona decides that she will receive the same number of nights (what is that...less than 2 nights a week?) with her husband and the same large house and gifts, but where in her decision is her debate about how much he will be able to emotionally care for her? If both her and another wife are having a baby on the same night, which wife will he visit during childbirth? If two wives are sick, which will he care for? If all the wives are lonely, which one will he go to? With four other wives, they cannot always be satisfied all the time. Or else Ahmed will be a VERY tired man, constantly driving between his wives houses to cater to their needs. Of course, I have the Western notions of love in mind, and so I find it diffcult to accept a marriage that would be with shared love because I was taught that you grow up to find "ONE special person with whom you share everything". In this sense, polygamy sounds like a stressful and lonely pursuit for all the parties involved. I can't fathom the jealousy I would feel if I had to share my love for a man with others. I don't think a human being is capable of remaining mature in a situation like this, and almost always someone will end up being hurt because of slight differences in the way the husband will almost necessarily treat each woman.
I'm interested in hearing what you have to say. Sorry if this piece sounds misinformed/uninformed...it probably is. And it is definately biased to an extent. But I have opened up my mind and hopefully you will do the same.
Michelle,
Here are the *main* points you have made:
1. You don’t accept ideas that are foreign to you
2. You don’t agree with the Islamic rationale behind allowing up to four wives
3. You don’t think Islam provides equal rights
4. You don’t think rvn’s writing described the character’s priorities accurately
5. You disagree with the decision process that rvn’s character went through
6. You simply don’t understand the logistics and psychology of polygamy
Here are is my reply…
Bear in mind that I am Saudi and that I don’t necessarily would like to share my husband. However, my reasons are totally different from yours
1. You put that as a disclaimer in the beginning to give yourself space to say whatever you like, but then you say you have an open mind, to counter the argument that you should maintain an open mind.
You don’t really have to accept it though, since you don’t have to deal with it, right? Inuit women used to chew on a man’s boots to soften the leather before the male put on his footwear in the morning, nobody is picking on them! I don’t care what they do as long as I don’t have to chew on leather that smells like funk! So, the moral here is: Live and let Live.
2. The Islamic rationale is more complex than what you have been told. Some men cannot be satisfied with one woman. This is a fact and examples are in every culture. Islam just avoided the whole ‘mistress’ and ‘secret-affair’ mess by putting down a system for it.
Furthermore, on the same note of accepting foreign culture, this region (before Islam) was already known for polygamy. Men used to marry up to 10+ wives. So, instead of forcing people to completely alter their behavior, Islam just tamed it. Islam couldn’t radically change the norms of the culture if it was to be accepted.
There are so many more ‘pros’ to polygamy, such as social benefits, which I will not go through here. If you are interested, contact me or research it.
3. Equal rights… sigh… I have had my personal issues with this until I have reached inner-peace. What are equal rights anyway? Show me a culture that accurately applies this concept?
Let me start by saying that the concept of equality varies across cultures. You simply cannot enforce the ‘western’ version as the example to follow.
Second, I accept that women and men are different, thus must be treated differently. Islam provided a very delicate system in which both man and woman can live in harmony according to how each was designed. Let’s take the men’s side for a change and ask, why is a man always expected to provide the bread on the table? Why is a man’s failure in doing so always harder to accept than a woman?
Social roles are clear, that is why sociologists conducted studies to document them. If you chose to go against those norms – such as households where a man chooses to stay at home and the woman goes out to work – that is fine. Do so, but do not expect the whole world to abide by or accept the new rules. There are very closed-minded people out there you know!
Ergo, equal rights is not a valid argument because the two subjects you are comparing are not the same.
Let me put this on the record though, for my sake. I am a firm believer in equal opportunities. Meaning, both genders being both human, should have equal access to happiness, including health, education…etc. Some countries, such as Saudi Arabia, may still not provide equal opportunities. However, this has nothing to do with Islam. So, God willing, the more educated women speak about their right for equal opportunities the sooner it will change =)
Was Christianity behind not giving women the right/opportunity to vote before 1930?
4, 5 & 6.
Well, rvn is not a professional writer. As a result, any shortcomings in his attempt at writing fiction should not be used against him. His character and plot should definitely be further developed. Maybe if he had more space to write, he would have done a better job.
I agree with you and WW, that this is probably not how a girl thinks. But kudos to rvn for trying. He will sooner or later come to learn and understand if he chooses to.
As for Polygamy logistics and psychology, it’s really what you are brought up with. For example, I could never, ever understand how a girl can accept to have pre-marital sex. For me, with my culture and background, it is simply demeaning. This is why people find different cultures fascinating…you simply cannot fathom how the other person is thinking.
To call yourself a true citizen of the little village we live in now, as long as your neighbor is not harming you, you simply have to accept him as he is =)
Michelle!!
Many thanks for your lengthy and thorough post.. I appreciate all the time and effort you put into writing. I can tell this is something you are passionate about and it is important to you.
I would like to salute you for stepping beyond your comfort level and trying to understand a different culture and religious belief, some goals I had in publishing this piece.
First of all excuse me for any misconceptions I may have given, I do not claim to be a scholar or theologian and I am not justifying anything religious because i am not in a position to. However, I can clarify religious truths and I am arguing in favor of something I believe in, that society nowadays (even Muslim society) shies away from.
This is simply a different look at the world we live in now..
SUNSHINE!
YOU ARE TRULY MY HOMEGIRL.. (WHY ARE MBA STUDENTS SO ORGANIZED :P)..
Second, I really can't add much to that what Sunshine posted, I had an excerpt from a religious scholar that I thought would be useful..
http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=2040&dgn=4
Sunshine addressed the majority of the points I had wanted to tackle.
As for my inability, and my unprofessionalism, PPL THIS WAS FOR A WRITING CLASS, THIS ISN'T THE FIRST DRAFT, BUT I HAVEN'T HAD REAL WRITERS/EDITORS LOOK AT IT.
As for the not being a girl, alhamdulillah, I understand women pretty well, and I actually got several words of praise in the class on how I portrayed the female character with her appreciating the tulips, and not knowing what to where.
Obviously you're entitled to ur opinions, and I respect them and the fact that you are sharing ur thoughts with all of us..
That is the reason I write, and without your input I can never improve..
So keep commenting and i'll keep blogging! :)
Y
Hello Yamen,
This is Shelly, Amandas mom. LOL. Your favorite princess from the movie set. I just wanted to tell you I thought your story showed amazing writing skills. Even though I dont personally approve of or practice polygamy, it is a very popular subject here in America. There are many places in the state of Utah that still practice it. It is the New LDS religion. I dont feel it is something I would ever do, but I feel also that it is not my decision to make as to whether or not others do it. I agree with the one who said "Live and Let Live", I dont have to like it, but I dont have to live it either.
I hope you are having a good time during your Hiatus and Amanda asks about you almost everyday. Hope to see you when you return to the movie set.
Keep writing and I will keep reading.
Shelly!!
Great to hear from you, I really miss Amanda. I'm in Boston for another week, then we're back to work.
How did you find my blog? :)
Yes, I truly respect your opinion, polygamy is a mechanism that was made for those that needed it. It isn't a free for all. Because it is a big job maintaining justice especially in society nowadays..
Give amanda a big hug for me :)
Regards,
Y
Hello again. I found your blog when just searching names from the movie for fun. Amanda had been talking alot about you and Ashrof. So, I did some searches, curious as to how well she would really remember you guys. I guess I didnt give a four year old enough credit. LOL. She was so excited to get your message tonight and she saw Ashrof yesterday at the freeway shoot. Well, I know your a very busy man, so hope to see you this week during filming.
I found your blog while bored one night. LOL. Amanda wouldnt quit talking about how she missed you and Ashrof. I was a bit curious, thinking that a 4 year old wouldnt have that great of a connection to someone or the ability to remember someone she has met so briefly. But, you two really made an impact on her. I searched your names in an attempt to find pics and see if she could tell me who you were. Well, amazingly enough, she did. She is one smart cookie!!!
She was very excited to hear you had sent your regards and i gave her the hug. She got to see Ashrof yesterday during the freeway shooting and we all hope to see you this week when filming here resumes. I am glad to hear you had a good trip. Glad you arrived back here safely. See you soon.
Shelly
Hello again. I found your blog one night when I decided to search for you and Ashrof on the internet. Amanda wouldnt quit talking about how she missed you two and I found it rather curious. I really didnt think a 4 year old would have the memory to remember someone she had met briefly. But, I guess it was not as briefly as I thought. LOL. She was very excited to hear your message tonight and I gave her your hug. She was able to see Ashrof yesterday during the freeway filming and we hope to see you again when filming resumes here this week. I am glad to hear you had a good trip on your hiatus and am glad to here you arrived back here safely. We all hope to see you soon.
Shelly
I thought I was messing up and it wasnt posting my comments, but then I realized I think it was. LOL. You must approve before they will appear. Im sorry you recieved it so many times. Feel free to delete all but one. LMAO. Sorry again.
Loved il post mashallah. Your an excellent writer Raven. Keep it up o0o write more posts like these plz :D.
Bella,
Muy gracias.. i'll try to keep it up
Regards,
Ravenio
First I wasn't enjoyed, second and most importantly, this piece illustrates the case of why men should NEVER think for women, as is the custom in Saudi Arabia, if any woman out there still think that men can do something positive about women rights, this is her wake up call...
Hala,
Well i'm sorry you didn't like the piece. I managed to get an A on it so I know my American professor liked it and it was well-written.
As for your opinion, well it isn't new to me, society has framed polygamy as a negative mental construct and this has affected the members of the past 2 generations and it's already influencing the next generation.
Men thinking for women, well I don't think men will ever be able to do such a thing, since women are uniquely hard-wired and doing so what be an injustice to the womenfolk.
The reason I "though" for a woman, was the requirement of this essay in the class I was taking.
As for women's rights, can you please tell me what "women's rights" are? As opposed to ensuring a woman's full Islamic rights and not following the non-Islamic feminist model.
Thanks for visiting.
Y7
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